2021 Pushcart Prize Nominee
we all want revenge but so many of us would settle
for justice I’m not talking about logistics today I am
talking to friends through a computer screen
and now there is the hint of a permanent smiley face
on my bedroom wall I have made
so made casual mistakes
I have shot at soda cans with a BB gun at close range
and done so much better than the boys did
do you remember the coveted sticky tac we’d collect
when the teachers let us help them clean out their classrooms
on the last of school drawing our names
in shaving cream like reverse finger paints
these are our collective keepsakes please
marry my memories sing the vows to the crowd
of ladybugs on my front porch I told you I’m not
talking about logistics today I am
talking through black ink on a white page I filled
the dent in my wall with toothpaste and I laugh
every time I pass it please don’t kiss me
in the sunken garden just lie
on the ground beside me and stare at what’s left of the stars
we named the fountain there Mary Martin once
filled it with water from the bottles we brought from
home because an empty fountain in the ghost of a lake
was the saddest thing we’d ever seen
I’ve been over this already I’m not talking
about logistics today I’m talking about
you and me and the trace of sharpie on our skin
did you think if you whispered goodbye it would hurt less
I recognized every damn one of your tactics
this isn’t about changing the channel or searching
for yourself in a song this is about the clocks being
an hour behind half the year because I don’t know
how the settings work on my car’s dashboard
this is about how I was only supposed to give you a
ride home that first night but you complimented
my commitment to protesting daylight savings time
this is about a guy at the bar who gave us a dollar
because we were drunk and we really really wanted
to win the stuffed gingerbread man this is about
a girl jumping out of the telephone booth before
I knew you this is about the onion you placed by my bed
when I was sleeping because you read it could help cure colds
we crashed away with bulleted phrases of our
own private questions so I’ll tell you this
your worst offense wasn’t leaving
the coffee pot empty but it did make the list
we made it out beautiful but we didn’t make it far
kept each other warm and left a few legends in our wake
I’m not talking about logistics today I am
swept in the blurriness of both our mistakes we were
born to be gutter balls and slippery dance floors and
sad songs in the late morning slipped back into bed
I’ve been told I’m an empath but I don’t think
I’m a good enough person for that I wonder
if you ever forgave me for all the things
I almost did take me home but drive real slow
and make sure to turn on the car radio
listen to the lyrics again before you
change the station know that broken
blinds still let the light in
cover them up with your old flannel
Published in Issue 5